i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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