how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
