hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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