All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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