Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
