Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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