She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
