I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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