God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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