Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
