So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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