I didn't shave. On purpose
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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