Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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