I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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