remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I showed him my bush... on skype.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
