WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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