I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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