She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
