I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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