i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
