Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
