I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
