When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
