apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
