Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
