yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
