Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
