Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
