when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
