Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The adults are the big ones right?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
