It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
