i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
