Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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