Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My penis needs a shock collar
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
