Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
