yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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