So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
