69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize