so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
