You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When are your genitals available?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
