I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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