I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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