Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
