It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
