my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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