You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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