so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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