You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
