my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
