Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
