you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
