I need help removing her.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
