Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
