You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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