if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
