I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
