I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
