I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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