Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
