I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
