If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
