This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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