and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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