During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
