I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
