you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
